The End of an Era - Bye Bye B!

I got a text message today from Shumpy today asking me if I heard that they shut down the B!?!? How could it be!  (...get it... pun intended).   ...I do realize it's not funny if I have to point it out... I digress.

Ahem...

Anyway.  Apparently Bennigan's can't pay their bills.  Bummer!  The only one I really CARE about is THE B.  The one SMB took me to, and we quickly became regulars.  SMB and I had sooo many hilarious and wonderful and totally drunken along with probably many more forgotten memories there.  The first time SMB and I went to our B, I met Shumpy.  Some douchebag gave me his number after telling me he could "eat Pussy better than anyone ever."  His words... not mine.  I drunkenly asked the dudes sitting at the bar behind our table if any of them had a Sharpie, and enter Shumpy!  SMB took the douchebag's phone number and Shumpy's Sharpie and wrote the douche's phone number on the bathroom stall with a crude message about his proclaimed skills.  Shumpy immediately became an instant drinking buddy and friend.  Thanks, Shumpy!  

BigAC and I also went there on our first date.  We had dinner somewhere else (because you really shouldn't eat at the B, I'm told), and then we went to the B for drinks and SMB crashed our first date.  If it wasn't for SMB and the B, I don't know that BigAC and I would have become what we are today.  There's nothing like getting shitty drunk with one of your best friends who has NO reservations whatsoever to spark new love on a first date.  

The B is the home of the Shane Poll.  

The B is where we would go on Christmas night to get away from family time (no offense Mom... I promise you were already tuckered out when we'd go boozing it up at the B).  

SMB's sister used to go to the B with SMB on holiday's too for wholesome holiday debauchery. 

The night before SMB and I left for our trip to the Dominican Republic last year, we bought beach hats and wore them to the B and people stared at us like we were weird (shocking, I know) and our fun beach hats got us some free beer thus starting Spring Break Woo Hoo out right.

The B is where about 9 million dumbasses asked us if we were sisters.  For those of you who don't know, SMB and I share the same first name.  We had so much fun when we finally started flatly answering yes when idiots asked us if we were sisters.   

Somewhere SMB is out there with the Care Bears cursing  (with arms flailing and stringing together the most amazing tirade of curse words you've ever heard)the stupid Bennigan's assholes who can't pay their damn bills.  Get 'em Tiger.  

It really is the end of an era.  Seriously.  I know it's probably a bit stoopid to care that a stupid nasty bar and grill closed, but sheesh... So many memories and good times.  

...sniff... sniff...

That is all, 

SBC

SMB Sunday - My Dreams

Since SMB died, I've had three dreams about her (that I remember).  I think I'm lucky that I've had dreams about her because some people who were close to her haven't had the experience yet, and it's pretty cool.  It pretty much sucks monkey balls when you wake up and realize it was a dream, but the actual dreaming part is quite nice... 

During the first week after she died, I had two dreams...

Dream 1:

The details on this one have become fuzzy... I know it was my wedding and SMB was there and all my bridesmaids had already walked to the front.  All of a sudden I realized I wasn't in my dress yet.  So I asked SMB to help me, but she said she couldn't and told JesusJimena to help me.  We unzipped my dress bag thing and my dress was black.  There wasn't much I could do about it, and I had to wear the black wedding dress.  JesusJimena had no idea what to do to help me get ready and I was all frazzled.  In my dream I was mad at SMB for not helping me.  

Dream 2:

Another wedding dream... This one was better... It was like in the part of the wedding where the couple stands there and everyone lines up... (btw, this will NEVER happen at my wedding).  Anyway, in my dream BigAC and I were hugging everyone in the line and then it got to her and I was soooo stinkin' excited that she made it to my wedding.  I was like holy shit I didn't think you were going to be here!  How'd you get here?!?! And various other exclamations.  She smiled and hugged me and told me she wouldn't miss it and all was happy and good.  I guess dreamSMB was making up for the first dream... Only seems appropriate.  When she was here if she ever pissed me off she ALWAYS made up for it and we would be all good and laughing.  Hopefully I did the same to her.  

Dream 3:

This is by far the best SMB dream to date.  I'm hoping for more, but this one will be hard to top.  In my dream I had a big giant house with this long entry way garden area with loads of dead plants.  I was gardening and trying to clean up the place.  My gardner (yeah I have a gardner in my dreams I guess) came up and gave me a wheelbarrow with this crazy looking plant in it.  I pulled the plant up out of the wheelbarrow and it's roots were SMB.  She popped out of the wheelbarrow and dusted off all of the dirt on her and was just like WHAT UP, yo!??!?!  I stared at her in disbelief trying to figure out how the heck she came out of the wheelbarrow on the end of my weird looking plant.  Meanwhile my little dead plant entry-way garden area just started to bloom... like in a cartoon or a trippy movie... it was like in The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy steps into Muchkinland and everything is big crazy colorful.  She looked around very pleased with herself and told me that it looked like I was suddenly free for the day and that she wanted to go swimming and that we needed to get JesusJimena to come over.  So then JesusJimena is there and we're all swimming but the pool water was black, and I couldn't see what was under the water.  When SMB went to get into the pool I held onto her arms and told her not to go under the water.  She yelled at me and told me to relax and have fun and that she was going to be fine.  I resisted a bit, but eventually let go, and we had a grand ole time.  We were all swimming and splashing around and it was a happy time, but there was this lingering worry every time she went under water JesusJimena and I would stare and wait for her to come back up, but she always did.  I woke up in the middle of us splashing around and having fun.  

So I'm hoping for some more dreams... and the invention of a time machine.  I'll take whichever comes first (or both).  

That is all, 

SBC

PS - I'm fairly sure it doesn't take a rocket scientist to "analyze" these.  Apparently my subconscious can be fairly transparent at times.   

SMB Sunday - Luau!

Yesterday was my friend Charlie's annual Luau... It's something I go to every year in July, and it's always a rockin' good time.  Last year, I invited SMB, the Boyfriend, and Jesus Jimena (a rather colorful spazzy hilarious friend I met through SMB... she'll more than likely be in many more SMB posts, so learn to love her).  

Most of the group including my parents went to Luau last year, and we all got there before SMB, the Boyfriend, and Jesus Jimena arrived.  We set up camp at a table kind of away from the crowd toward the back of Charlie's yard.  We were drinking and having a good ole time when SMB, the Boyfriend, and Jesus Jimena made their grand entrance. 

Apparently the reason they were late was because they stopped off at Wal-Mart and purchased every piece of Luau themed costume and/or party accessory they could get their hands on.  

They busted into the backyard and made a BIG entrance.  They were dressed to the nines in grass skirts, fake leis, coconut bras, straw hats, carrying pineapple cups and tiki torches.  The Boyfriend had on this plastic apron that was made to look like a half-naked totally buff luau dude.  It was the back-yard luau equivalent of the tuxedo t-shirt.  

When they busted into the backyard, it had that whole record scratch effect.  While everyone they knew was sitting at the table (all wearing tank tops and shorts or some other "normal" backyard party attire), they stood out in the middle of the party and quickly realized they had NO idea who any of the people were.  We quietly sat there for a minute and let them sweat it out.  They got a little panicky, but Charlie came out and of course recognized them and was totally cracking up, so everyone at the party realized they were supposed to be there.  We finally piped up and got them to turn around and see that we were there.  We got a HUGE laugh out of that.  Everyone at the party had to come and meet my crazy dressed up friends.  It was awesome.  

So yesterday, BigAC and I went to luau.  When we got there Charlie showed me SMB's tiki torch (it had a crazy mean tiki face painted on it).  Right before SMB left the party last year, she stuck it in one of their gardens and said Charlie could have it.  Charlie liked where it was and never moved it.  Charlie took me over there and showed me that it was still in it's place.  I got a little teary, but it was kind of like she was still there with us in tiki-spirit, which was nice.  

That is all, 

SBC

Random Tuesday Thoughts

There are few things that I will not blog about (I know... never say never, but for now, I'm not doing it)... but today I had an interesting revelation about myself that I thought I would share with my trusty readers.  

So today was a particularly shit-tastic day at the office.  Myself and the other "managers" quickly activated the phone tree to discuss the various goings on in our respective departments once we were safely in the comfort of our own homes.  Turns out everyone took it up the ass about the same and I did today, and here's how we celebrated... One was unwinding with a rum and coke (in that order) and the other was almost through a bottle of wine.  I realized I was different when I took a drink of my REAL (not diet) Dr. Pepper and took another bite of my Nestle Toll House cookie ice cream sandwich.  I guess most adults go to liquor or wine to ease the stress of a rough day... me?  I go for non-diet soda and ice cream treats.  Gotta go buy new pants now.  I can feel my ass expanding.  

On a completely unrelated and much more uplifting subject, I received a few weird things in the mail over the past few days due to upcoming wedded bliss.  I went nutso ordering stuff and psychotically planning things while BigAC was out of town, and now my kitchen table is littered with my goodies.  I got to looking at everything and decided it was a rather weird collection of stuff that is probably not in most households.  Here's what I've got:

1. 300 peacock feathers (200 of the 12-inch variety and 100 of the 3-foot variety)

2. 234 sticks of faux sealing wax (that's right... it's faux... it goes in the hot glue gun.  Who knew?!?!?)

3. 15 disposable cameras

4. 10 lbs. of M&M's with our names on them

5. $180 of postage with our picture on it

I gotta go find somewhere to store 10 lbs. of M&M's now.  If I have another shitty day at the office, BigAC might have to hide them from me.  

That is all,

SBC

SMB Sunday - Slamouflage

SMB and I had a splendid game we played. It's called Slamouflage, and it's awesome. The rules are simple... You spot someone wearing any sort of camouflage, and you either subtly, or not-so-subtly, bump into them and then say to them with a surprised look on your face, "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't see you there!" ...let it sink in a second. It's hilarious. Seriously. Hilarious. Laugh-out-loud-let-a-little-pee-out funny. Well... at least it was to us, and the other Drunky McDrunks we initiated into our fun.

To be fair, I think the game originated with one of SMB's rather colorful ex-boyfriends. We'll call him PantySnatcher because... well... that's actually what we called him. I bet you can't guess what he stole from her? From what I remember of the origins of Slamouflage, PantySnatcher apparently spent some time in Amsterdam during a particulary camo-heavy clothing trend. To entertain themselves, PantySnatcher and his peeps invented Slamouflage. Or something like that.

SMB and I took it to an entirely new level. You may not think that camo is all the rage these days, but you'd be surprised! Go ahead... you'll notice while you're out and about in the next few days. Anyway we had rules and a point system... the whole nine yards. We'd initiate new members into our game and then ask them to spread the good word.

There are a few particularly memorable Slam-O moments that come to mind...

A different one of SMB's boyfriends was being initiated into Slamouflage while they were at the zoo... up toddles a little toddler wearing a camo hat. The Boyfriend proceeds to sort of hover over the kid and formulate his plan of attack. Meanwhile the kids dad is starting to notice the strange guy staring at his teedering toddler. The Boyfriend goes in for the bump then suddenly can't remember the rules and decides that he probably needs to actually bump into the part of the kid covered in camo... which is his head. What's the logical thing to do here? OBVIOUSLY you'd raise your arm and lower your ELBOW onto the kids head and almost knock the kid over. SMB and the Boyfriend smartly ran far far away from now dumbstruck kid and a very confused and alert father. HILARIOUS.

In the game of Slamouflage you get double points for same-sex slams. The idea is that they're more awkward. We're sitting at the B, our local watering-hole, minding our own business consuming excessive amounts of Miller Lite when in walks a group of about 10 people, one of whom is wearing a flourescent pink camo tank top. OHHHH MANNNN it's FLOURESCENT! SMB dared me to go slam her, and I just couldn't resist. This poor lady was just having dinner with her friends in her tacky bright pink tank top and BLAM out of the middle of nowhere comes ME. In my drunken state it seemed like a GREAT idea to jump up upon being dared (what's a girl gonna do?) and RUN across the B, go up to the lady's table and nudge her from behind and then lean into their table and probably slur..."OH! I'm sooo sorry. I didn't see you there!" Pink Tank Top Lady's response: "Oh! That's OK!" ...I walk away and then hear everyone at the table busting out laughing. They got it. Awesome. Time to go hide in the bathroom now. ;)

SMB and I had quite a few good belly laughs playing Slamouflage in the Dominican Republic.  Mix free drinks 24x7, an over-abundance of Speedo's, and a high instance of non-English speaking, non-American people, and you've got a great Slamo playing field.  

I know we inducted most of the people I know who read this (all 10 three of you) into the Slamouflage game, so tell me your most memorable Slamo moment.  I'll repost them if I can remember enough of the details.  ;) 

It's a good game.  Go forth and Slam.  

That is all, 

SBC

PS - Thanks to Ro for the SMB Sunday suggestion... I welcome suggestions, questions, comments on SMB Sunday Posts (and all other posts for that matter, but SMB Sundays are, by far, the most read thing on this here bloggy bloggerson).

Mamma Mia

Just a head's up... I'll probably reuse this blog title once I've seen the upcoming movie and write what I'm sure will be a raving review because I'm hopelessly in love with Musicals in any form or fashion. Well except for Sweeny Todd. I prefer my musicals with a touch less blood. That was just weird. The only acceptable blood in a musical is if it's being slightly trickled out of Nicole Kidman's perfectly painted mouth. But I digress.

I just caught up on SYTYCD from last night and tonight, and I just want to say that I simply LOVE Mia Michaels. I love her. I want to be her. I want her to dish out one of those double edged sneaky uber-mean yet sugary sweet pseudo compliments. Half the time I want to kick her in her teeth, but that makes me love her more. She's adorable. She wears weird hats. She has super short hair. She's full-figured and a dancer. She purses her mough and squints her eyes when she smiles. She says things like "organic movement" and I wanna know what that is so I can make her happy.

I can't decide if I like it better when she's a judge or when she's choreographing dances. I can't get enough of either! The things she says just flip my lid! Some favorites from last night:

"You're gorgeous. Like, I wanna stab you, you're so gorgeous."

"It felt a little thin for me. I needed for you to get into the meat and potatoes of this piece a little more. It was a little better than good." ...wait. Are we still talking about dancing here? Yup.

"You really explored newness."

Anyway... I could go on. Mia Michaels, you've caught my spirit.

Also on the SYTYCD front, I gotta say... Wait. First things first. I love BigAC with all of my heart and soul and my being and all that good stuff. He's my lobster. No other man will ever do. OK. With that out of the way... Ho. Lee. Shit. Watch this hunka-hunka-burnin'-love and tell me you've never wanted to be a loincloth more than you do right now:



That Jessica is one lucky, lucky lady. Bitch. Too bad she's outta here next week, I'm sure.

That is all,
SBC

High Five to That, yo.

I'll go ahead and admit it now.  I love a good high five.  Seriously.  It's dorky, it's cliché, and when you get it right, it's so satisfying.  

Once upon a time one of my girls taught me the secret to always hitting a solid high five.  As luck would have it, now that it's crunch time, I cannot recall who taught me this little gem of a trick.  My gut tells me it was Pecan Sandie, but I could be wrong.  If it was YOU, speak now, or forever hold your peace. 

Back to it... OK.  If I was one of those fancy cool professional bloggers out there, I'd probably include detailed drawings and/or photos.  But alas, I am both lazy and uninspired... lethal blog combo.  So if you can bear to make it through my posts without all the razzle dazzle, I salute you!  Oh, and thanks for reading, Mom. 

Now, here's the secret... This works WONDERS when you're attempting the ill-fated drunken high five by the way... When you rare back and go in for the five, look at each other's elbows.  To be clear... look at the fiving elbow if your opposing fiver... don't look at your own elbow, or you'll probably get an unfortunate wack on the head.  

Anyway... try this at home (or in public).  It works, I promise.  Happy high fiving, everyone!

That is all, 

SBC

SMB Sunday - Buffet Pants

Buffet pants haiku

My ode to good stretchy pants

I'm wearing them now

Today's SMB Sunday post is inspired by my pants (lol... that's what he said... heh heh heh).  SMB and I used to have this cute little habit of drinking beer into the wee hours of Saturday night (or Sunday morning rather) and then going to eat greasy Mexican food bright and early Sunday afternoon.  

One of these crunchy mornings afternoons we proceeded as usual.  This particular afternoon was sometime after we'd booked our trip to the Dominican Republic.  SMB wore a cute pair of yoga pants to breakfast lunch.  After we returned to the 3-1-4 no doubt to watch DVR'd rerun's of SYTYCD or Sex and the City we got on the subject of our upcoming all-inclusive Spring Break WOO HOO vacation.  SMB mentioned that the cute yoga pants she was wearing were going to be GREAT buffet pants (picture her saying this with her thumbs in her waistband pulling them away from her tiny belly insinuating that she could eat mass quantities of buffet goodness and still remain ever-comfortable in her britches).  

Anyway the phrase stuck and to this day, I (among many others now) refer to all comfy pants that can be worn in public without being inappropriate as Buffet Pants.  They're a staple in my weekend and after-work wardrobe.  It's kinda cool thought because every time I think "what should I wear" and the decision for Buffet Pants is made (which sadly is more often than not), I smile to myself... or to whoever is around and have a little SMB moment.  

I grant you all (yes mom, that includes you) permission to use "buffet pants" in your everyday vernacular.  Just remember SMB when you do. :) 

That is all,

SBC

Deep Thoughts by SBC...

Just a few random things/thoughts to share...

1.  Why do couples put up joint myspace pages?  Really?  Are you THAT connected at the hip that you must create a Myspace page together like you're a band or something?  Unless you've got original musical recordings on your page, stop it!  It's MYspace and last time I checked MY was singular.  OH!  Maybe I should start OurSpace for all of the couples in the world that have lost touch with their singular identity.  Actually I'm sure someone's already done that... I'm too lazy to look, so I probably sound stoopid right now, but so be it.  It's not the first time (nor will it be the last).  

2. I have a weird dog.  Shocking, I know.  Princess Stupefia is supposedly a Yorkiepoo... She looked like a Yorkie when she was born... Black and brown with a silver spot on her head.  The silver spot on her head, however, quickly grew and by the time she was a year old, all of her black/brown hair was gone bye-bye and she's now all silver.  They (the shelter and my vet) also said she'd be between 6 and 8 lbs tops.  Three years later she's weighing in at 15 lbs.  She just kept getting taller and taller.  She's not a big chub or anything either... She's just not a teeny tiny pup like "they" said she'd be.  And now she's changing color again!  Her hair is starting to turn goldish brown up by her head... guess silver is out and gold is in.  Oh and her hair is getting really curly.  I just gave her a bath (see item #3 for full reason) and now her hair is all curled up like she's suddenly got more poodle in her than she did before we left for Cali.  Odd.  Guess we'll have to get her a little puppy Chi for Christmas this year.  

3.  I came home today after being out of town for five days to a puppy poop surprise and dead flowers.  I expected the dogs to retaliate, but now my flowers are retaliating too?  Can't a girl go on vacation?  I am afraid the whole house might up and move itself when we go on our honeymoon.  We'll probably come home to a driveway.  That's it.  Just the driveway.  I think I spoil my pets and plants by being home too much.  Such is the life of a homebody.  Perhaps that should be my new blog title.  Nothing welcomes you home like having to wash crusty shit off your dogs ass.  Nothing.  

NOTE: Item number three is not a dig at my house/dog sitters... We love you all!  There's no stopping up Princess' asshole or saving potted flowers in the heat of June.  The baby birds did manage to survive though.  Nice work, team!  

4.  We flew home on Southwest today... That was a new experience entirely (for me).  The obvious reasons are... well... obvious.  We got to stand in the weird line by our number and then we got to pick our own seats.  The last couple of rows of the plane are the free beer, wine, and cocktail section (so the drunks will have further to walk to get off the plane for flight crew's amusement??  What is that about?).  We also had a funny flight crew... Watch for our friendly flight attendant on the next season of Last Comic Standing.  Not really, but he was funny.  This guy was doing the whole spiel about how the seat belt works and how to put on your oxygen mask and not to smoke on the plane yaddy yadda yadda... but with a sarcastic twist. One of the highlights was him explaining that if you smoke on the plane it will cost you $2,000 and if you had $2000 to spend flying from Albuquerque to Dallas you certainly wouldn't be flying on Southwest.  There's nothing like calling a plane full strangers cheap assholes and getting them to laugh about it.  His funny little speech was well rehearsed and certainly not impromptu humor... I actually think the whole thing was made funnier by the other flight attendant who had to hold up the seatbelt and do the stupid hand gestures.  It was painfully obvious she'd heard his schtick at least 9,874 times (and counting) and desperately wished the passengers would stop encouraging him.  Anyway... that was just one of the reasons flying Southwest was a bizarre new world for me today.